What is love? Really?

My friend and I were having a regular conversation when out of the blue he asked me, 'Are you in love?'

For those without context: there was none. We were talking about a book I was reading. Anyway, one would think the answer would be a yes or a no, but I was stunned because I realised I didn't know what love was. 

They say women use the word love a lot. But I have experienced it differently. I have seen men use the word 'love' early in relationships. I've also seen men fall in 'love' so deeply that it takes them years to recover from the relationship. I've seen women fall in and out of love but never know it. We, as women, have also used the word very carefully. I have heard several women ask men the formidable question, 'Do you love me?' Maybe that's why men say 'The L word' more. From what I've seen, heard and gone through, the majority of the male population uses the phrase 'I love you' more than females. Is it because we know what the word signifies that we don't throw it around irresponsibly?

In so many relationships or just people I have been involved with romantically, I've heard my partners say 'I love you' and 'I love you so much', but I don't think I ever have. I think I felt it once. But that was all. I told him I did two years later when I realised it was a little too late. When I was a little too over him. At least I got the closure I deserved. But I never actually uttered those words to a partner. I don't think I can. I don't know why, but I think I will never know what love means. I think I do, but I know I don't. Love is so complicated I don't know how it can be described. 

Is it in the sadness behind Shayaris, in the fragrance of flowers given to our favourites or in his warm embrace? Is it in the scattered kisses, in the eyes of a puppy or the light of the moon? Is it the reason people war in the name of religion, in the smiles of strangers or in the shadows of our parents? Is it in the longing of waiting for someone to come home, in the Bollywood movies we see or the memory of someone? Is love something that can be figured out, something that can be searched or something that is only understood at the end of life? 

What is true love and why can't everyone understand it? But those who understand love understand pain just as much. Are they as lucky as we believe? 

I don't think I can ever understand love. I think it's like one of those things you spend your entire life searching for but never manage to find: like God or nirvana or happiness. But, what is love? Everyone defines it so differently, everyone falls in what they think it is so differently and there are so many labels to it. A million love songs describe affection, admiration, and heartbreak for that one person or God. How is it that we can easily describe hate but spend our entire lives searching for love? They're both four letters and according to an age-old phrase, there is a fine line between them as well. 

So, what does it mean to be in love? I believe I will never know. To those who think they know, do you really?'