One Month In

Mumbai to London...alone

So, I moved to the UK, specifically, London. It’s officially been a month since I got here, and the only way I can describe it is: weirdly difficult.

Being alone in a new city sounds thrilling until the silence starts echoing back. I miss my parents, my puppies, my friends, especially my home. Here, I spend too much time missing them and too little time actually doing anything. Motivation? Gone. Social energy? Missing in action.

Making friends as an adult feels like trying to join an inside joke that’s been running for years. You don’t know the context, the tone, or whether you’re even welcome to laugh. Everyone’s busy, everyone’s tired, and everyone already seems to have plans. It’s exhausting trying to belong somewhere you don’t even understand yet.

University doesn’t make it easier. Between assignments, readings, and the occasional existential dread, there’s also the question of balance, when to say yes to a party and when to stay home and study. Either way, I end up feeling guilty. I can’t tell if I’m missing out on life or just being responsible.

And then there’s the part-time job hunt. Let’s just say: it’s a full-time job in itself, minus the pay. Applications, rejections, cover letters that start to sound like breakup notes, ‘I’m really passionate about this opportunity’, no, I’m just desperate for money and a sense of purpose. It’s exhausting. Some days, just opening my laptop feels like climbing a hill backwards.

Weirdly, I miss working the 9-5. At least back then, life was structured: wake up, commute, complain, repeat. There was a rhythm, even if it wasn’t glamorous. Now, every day feels like trying to find Wi-Fi in the wilderness, frustrating, unstable, and extremely lonely. The worst part, I can’t even cry to my parents because I know they’re struggling a lot to keep me afloat. I just wish I was happier after their sacrifices.

I know this is supposed to be the ‘big chapter’. But right now, it just feels like floating. Like I packed all my belongings but left the ‘how to live’ manual behind.

Maybe being lost is part of finding your way, but if so, I hope the map shows up soon, because honestly, I’m so tired of pretending I’m fine when I’m just… fucking lost and lonely.