Flop Flop! Noodle
An evening of red seats, K-pop, and culinary betrayal.
The recommendation for headlines is to provide intrigue and mystery so readers get hooked, looking for answers. However, in my recent experience, I simply could not bear to keep it vague. Here goes—the arduous journey I had to undertake.
You know those places Instagram hypes up so much that you end up convincing yourself, “Surely, everyone can’t be wrong?” Yeah, well, they can—each and every one of them. Enter Bang Bang! Noodle, a place that proved hype and reality should be trusted with a pinch of salt, a tasteless pinch.
Our arrival at this restaurant was fairly generic for Bombay: a 30-minute wait after confirming our reservation, and, following a stroll around, we finally got our table. A peculiar instance was the manager telling us the tables were "moving fast today." I didn’t see why at first. Now, I do.
When we walked in, the place was decked out with bright red seating and cute posters—honestly, quite pretty. The funniest part? They were blasting K-pop in a Chinese restaurant. For the uninformed, it's just music; for people of culture, it’s bordering on blasphemy. Once seated, our waiter dashed off to fetch the menu so we could literally point to what we wanted—which, fine, is not the worst experience to complain about. We ordered pineapple and mint coolers that sounded perfect on paper… except they didn’t actually have any. Another waiter plonked down our order of dumplings. I tucked in happily until we realised, after a bite, that they weren’t vegetarian. When we pointed it out, the waiter looked more confused than apologetic. And the manager? Instead of coming over to apologise, he was too busy boasting at the next table about how some Malaysian reviewer came back because he “loved the food so much.” Honestly, it felt like he was reciting a bad PR line. Spoiler: they didn’t make the dumplings vegetarian again.
Now, about that ‘mala spice’ they’re famous for. If this was supposed to be fiery, numbing, and intense, I clearly walked into the wrong restaurant. The food was about as spicy as lukewarm tap water. And to top it off, the noodles were undercooked—not ‘chewy in a nice al dente way’, but genuinely doughy, as if they gave up halfway through boiling them. When I mentioned it, the waiter insisted, “That’s how it’s supposed to be.” Sorry, but no. I love chewy noodles, and this wasn’t chewy—it was raw. The much-hyped Mala Chilli Oil Wontons tasted less spicy than regular crystal dumplings dipped in chilli oil. Calling that ‘Mala’ felt like false advertising.
To be sure about my experience, with self-doubt creeping in, I decided to gamble my sanity and peace by carrying the leftovers of the Yibin Cumin Noodles home for my dad—a man who can’t handle the tiniest hint of chilli and is very particular about his palate. However, he devoured the whole thing without blinking. That tells you everything.
If you do end up at this restaurant, whether out of obligation or a wild heart, do try the Typhoon Shelter Paneer, as it was the one saving grace of our evening. Crisp, spicy, and flavourful—I’d happily eat that again. But it was a lonely little shed in an otherwise dark, soggy typhoon of a day.
By the end, we gave up. Instagram had failed us, our taste buds were confused, and our stomachs weren’t happy. The dessert menu looked disastrous, and honestly, after everything we’d already endured, I don’t think I could have stomached it. We even joked about running to McDonald’s for dessert.
Our saving grace was going to Dessert Therapy, where a triple chocolate mousse and brownie finally delivered what the night had promised all along. Sweet relief—quite literally. There’s a reason it remains one of my favourite dessert spots in Bombay.
So here’s my verdict: Bang Bang! Noodle is all bang and absolutely no flavour. The hype? Fake. The experience? A waste of an evening. I wouldn’t recommend this place even to my worst enemy.
Rating: 1⭐ (only for the ambience and the paneer)