Chasing Adulthood~
'We all grew up. Maybe a little too much.'
Oh, how fast we grow up. All our childhood, we want to be older, mature, and an adult. Now, what? Now, why is it that we are craving to turn back time? Saying things like 'Take me back to 2014' and 'Take me back to when things were good.' We post pictures of us drinking and having fun to show the world how happy we are, only to sink deeper into depression the next minute. How messed up did life get that we wish to undo the one thing we wanted all our lives? Even now, I think - 'Oh, how good it would have been to be 21 so I don't have to carry my fake ID to get entry into a club.'
We always wish to grow older, but at the same time, to return to when we were innocent and immature- when things were black and white. Now, the entire world is grey and blurry, and I keep questioning the point of living in this kind of world.
That day, I argued with my sister. Instead of fighting like crazy, making each other cry and not speaking to each other for days, we maturely resolved it by understanding each other's perspective and apologising. The only reason it took two days was because of the time difference. Oh fuck, how we grew up!
From not sharing things to buying each other gifts, from being greedy about food to first offering the other person, from being selfish about love to openly loving others. Look how far we've come. How much we've grown. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. I still want to be a grown-up and yet go back to being a child. That simpler time when I used to cry because I didn't study for exams and my mum twisted my hand; when I used to have terrible fever episodes, and dad used to buy me storybooks and stickers when I didn't have to wear a jacket when I went out because-men. I wish I never grew older. That time remained stagnant, and my only worries were whether Ash could catch the next Pokémon.
Trading textbooks for romance novels, plastic jewellery for diamonds, toys for groceries, fast Hollywood for retro Bollywood, and, most importantly, laughter for tears, we all grew up. Maybe a little too much.
However old I grow, I will always wish to be that 7-year-old child calling the entire class to her Pizza Hut birthday and then going home to unwrap the millions of presents. I wish I had known that the 7-year-old me would never be able to be as carefree and happy again. I wish I had savoured that moment for more than just a memory in my head.
But if time hadn't moved, I would've never learned the value of money, family, friends, happiness, and especially life. I would've never loved, laughed, or cried. I would've never found Po.
So yes, I'm sort of glad I grew up. I still love cheese like a lifeline and still want to have a fairy birthday party. But I'm happy life happened. I found meaning in a shell of a life I would've never otherwise. Instead of going through life, I grew through it. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe.
This knocked at my consciousness 😭