2023 Wrapped
2023 was a weird year, to say the least. January to December, who knew what these 12 months would bring I sure as hell didn’t expect anything like this to happen. But I’m grateful for everything, the good and the bad. I learnt, grew cried and was happier than ever before. Maybe it was because I didn’t hustle and actually enjoyed moments.
So here’s my year-wrapped 2023:
January:
I went to Lollapalooza which despite everyone saying the lineup was mid I enjoyed a lot. I finally saw Prateek Kuhad live and held my saans for the entirety of Saansein, because I was mesmerised. Also saw Jackson Wang doing unspeakable things on stage but with a group of random friends I made at the Prateek set because no one I was with wanted to see him.
February:
Discovered a lot of new food places and found favourites. The F in February stood for food because when I look back at my snaps, all I can see are multiple pictures of food that too of all kinds. Cheesecakes, burgers, pasta, ramen, hot plates, nachos, whew. The list is never ending but I need to stop so I don’t get hungry.
March:
March was surprisingly chill, with the highlight being Dad’s birthday. Also, something he wanted to keep low-key so all we did was cut cake at home and chill. He was tired and didn’t want to call everyone. Age age-hitting crisis ensued on my end at least.
April:
April was my birthday and despite the lovely birthday week, like all hot girls do cried on my birthday. I don’t remember why but I know it did. Also of course ate a lot of good food, went out a lot and drank enough.
May:
Took the annual trip and went to Vietnam. 3 words: I loved it! Ate some really good bacon, had a great time with my family to mentally reconnect and took a ton of photos. It was also the month of my ‘I’m so fucking hot’ realisation. Met a really cute guy with whom I had one of the funniest conversations. Also met a Vietnamese guy (I’m not being racist he really did) who reminded me of one of my drama boys.
June:
Saw Spider-Man and loved it despite not being a Marvel/DC fan. Reconnected with an old friend who I started seeing as more than a friend and had such fun times but this ADHD chick lost interest when he took too long to make a move. He was way too good for me anyway.
July:
July was the month for a lot of firsts. The first time went to a political rally. First time connected with my cousins and had some of the TMI yet heartwarmingly drunk conversations. Started to like beer (a little still a gin neat girl but okay). Saw a black and white film in a theatre.
August: August was really lost in the memories. Went to an art gallery and realised I knew nothing about art and that private school didn’t prepare me for pretentious art gallery visits. Went to Kitabkhana and discovered my childhood 'touch and learn' books with cows, chickens and goats. Went to my first trans-run cafe and broke my preconceived notions. Also ate a really good pesto paneer croissant I would recommend. Got the most bhand I ever had and ever will in my entire life. Had a psycho hangover and the trauma of god knows what bullshit men spew when they’re drunk but no regrets.
September:
Went to our first college IV and had mad fun. Finally caved in and smoked cigarettes only to heavily regret it. Had an insanely good Ganpati and went out with a lot of good friends.
October:
Made my indesign projects and had a lot of fun doing them. Super proud of all of it and everything I achieved. Tried Hinge for the first time and met some really good guys.
November:
Went to my first rock concert and loved it. The highlight would still be an uncle asked me where the real beer line was because I looked like a decent child (I was in a bralette and miniskirt). Also had an insane pre-mid and post-Diwali because a festival cannot be just celebrated once. Also a month of figuring out my priorities in life in terms of career, college, love life and friends.
December:
Went to my first press screening alone and loved it when an auditorium full of journalists hooted at Bobby Deol undressing on screen. Reconnected with some old friends, and started to fall in love with myself. The one without the filters. Pet way too many cats (although too many cats is not a thing), finally came in touch with my feelings, understood life, got closure, and missed people. Forgave people and asked for forgiveness, had the best chocolate croissant of my life. Got put on meds, and didn’t allow myself to get too drunk at the party(I don’t remember much but the guy was hot), realised that my inner rage was gone and almost dozed off during Salaar. Went out ate good food, met good new people, lived and laughed.
Things I learnt:
People come and people go, there’s nothing you can do about it except forgive them, take responsibility and move on. Those who are meant to stay come back on their own. Love and longing are not the same, while I never loved, I’ve longed for people and somehow that’s felt worse. It’s okay to cringe and do what makes you happy because who knows, kal ho na ho. It’s okay to get psycho-drunk sometimes and crave drinks once in a while, it won’t turn you into an alcoholic. Smoking anything is not for me. I need to stop trying all flavours and types of things, it’s not gonna change my mind. Also, my social media is for me and if I start feeling FOMO all I need to do is shut it and not continue watching it and getting sad. Lost someone great because I was exploring. In his words “I don’t have my priorities straight” he said that because he didn’t feel prioritised. While I denied it at that time, I realised, he was right. I didn’t. He wasn’t my priority. I liked him, I liked to spend time with him, the vibes were nice and I only texted him. Every time we met I would get butterflies, but what went wrong? I never came till the I love you. It was one bad fight and something in me snapped. I was done. Done trying to make something work, I didn’t have the energy to fight for him, or with him. Even though he did. So yeah, he was right. I didn’t have my priorities straight and that’s okay. Because now I do. I know what I want, but I don’t know who I want it with and at this point, if it’s gonna happen it will. I am over trying to please others, over not knowing what to post on Instagram because ‘It’s not good enough’ or aesthetic. I’m done being a part of an algorithm that’s backfiring against me. Is it me growing old? The fact that I’m gonna be 21 in 4 months finally knocking some sense into me. Is it me being over the fact that while I don’t have everything, I have something and that's enough to be grateful? So I think this is going to be my New year's resolution: fuck it it's life, if it’s meant to be, it will just live. Wow I sound like a poet, and this sounds like a mad rant monologue one woman show kind of nines, but you know what, it is what it is. I can’t control my feelings or my writing. To more ‘Jo hona hai hone dos’ cheers to a new year. Look at me saying cheers ugh, I’m growing old yuck. I’ve come a long way and January Sansu would be very proud of the December Sansu.
What about you, how was your 2023?